Uncovering Your Enneagram Type’s Childhood Trauma!
As we discover ways to improve ourselves, often the task requires that we dive into our past and the experiences that brought us to the person we are today. If you are familiar with your Enneagram type, you may wonder what that says about your experiences as a child—what you may have experienced as traumatic. Of course, the Enneagram can’t pinpoint your life story, but it does offer insight into how you are coping with it. If you are new to the Enneagram, don’t worry; let’s dive in!
“The Enneagram is more than your average personality test. It is a tool of inner discovery and growth that helps to identify core ingredients that make up one’s sense of self. Enneagram coaching, by extension, is the process of using this tool and the framework it provides in order to come to a greater understanding of self, and even how we see certain attributes expressed in relationships with others.”
A fascinating aspect of the Enneagram is that it reveals not only what a person does but why they do it or, rather, why they continue to become stuck in a pattern of behavior. With these types in mind, we can project forward and provide helpful hints when trying to set resolutions you can achieve!
Childhood Trauma, Really?
Our early relationships with our caregivers set the stage for who we become in life. Even if your parents did a marvelous job, there are certain aspects of our relationship with them that influence how we develop and interact with others throughout the rest of our lives. Too often, our definition of what is “traumatic” is too narrow, leaving out plenty of other difficult life experiences that continue to shape our way of being in the world. Despite our discomfort with the word, we register many events that happen to us in our lives as traumatic, and our personality develops accordingly.
Here’s the breakdown of what you might need to find inner peace within:
Type 1, Moral Perfectionist
As a child, you most likely felt a withdrawal from the protective figure in the household. Whether or not that parent actually assumed the role of protector, as children, we looked up to them as such. Our perspective stemmed from our childlike understanding, even if they may have exploited that role and been abusive, overly strict, or distracted with other things. To cope with this household dynamic, you became your own critic to make sure you never fell out of line. You may have developed worries of never being good enough or learned to repress anger and emotions seen as ‘too much.’ Still today, you may try to police yourself the way you wish your protective figure would have to outdo the expectations you placed on them.
Affirmation for today: “No one is perfect, everyone, including myself, has opportunities to learn and grow.”
Type 2, Supportive Advisor
As a child, you felt ambivalent towards the protective figure in the household. You lacked the nurturing, guidance, and structure you desired from the parental figure. You may have coped by becoming a complement to your parental figure’s flaws. You may have developed a sense of selflessness that puts the needs of others before your own. You stopped asking for help and focused on how you could be of service to others. Because of this, you may have a tough time speaking up and sharing your desires.
Affirmation: “Caring for myself is the first requirement to care for others.”
Type 3, Successful Achiever
As a child, you felt very connected to the nurturing figure in your household. You loved the look of approval and felt your achievements were the most valuable interactions with the household figure over conversations about who you thought you were inside. You received nurturing through recognition from the goals you achieved, the success you reached, and the benchmarks you hit. You may have developed a feeling of rejection or abandonment for aspects of your identity that weren’t achievement-based. Your focus has been on your ego, not your true self.
Affirmation: “I am loved regardless of my achievements and success. No matter who I am, I am loved by those in my life.”
Type 4, Romantic Individualist
As a child, you most likely didn’t feel close to either parental figure in your household. This outcome could have been due to abuse from either parent or your sense that they just really didn’t “get you.” Being the individualist you are, you felt like they weren’t providing custom parenting to fit your needs. Because you felt like an outcast from your family, you learned to deal with the feeling of rejection early in life. You may have developed your longing for connection to a friend or partner to finally know you the way you wished your family had known you. Due to this, you have found much happiness in long-lasting friendships and relationships.
Affirmation: “The world will see me for who I am. I will create meaningful connections with those who understand me.”
Type 5, Investigative Thinker
Unique in your approach towards the world, you feel on the outside of most things. As a child, you felt unsure about your parental figures and felt the gravity of the disconnect between you. You locked away your true self and found security in knowledge and a world without emotion. You can feel overwhelmed by physical touch and displays of affection, making it more difficult for your parents to satisfy those nurturing needs. You may have developed the coping mechanism of distancing yourself from your emotions and connecting yourself to your thoughts.
Affirmation: “My thoughts and ideas matter. But it is also important for me to feel my emotions and connect with my body.”
Type 6, Loyal Guardian
As a child, you were very connected to the protective figure in your household. This enmeshment may not have been a good thing; you may have relied on this figure too much, making you doubt your inner voice. You may have developed a hard time trusting yourself, and if your protective champion has lost your trust, you may also have issues with authority figures in your life. You rely on other authorities to support you so you can feel more secure and have a sense of independence. When you have lost trust in your own voice, you can experience overthinking as a burden in decision-making.
Affirmation: “I know what is best for me. I do not need permission from anyone. I am the best person to make decisions for me.”
Type 7, The Entertaining Optimist
As a child, you may have felt disconnected from the nurturing parental figure of the household. Whether it was abuse or misunderstanding, you may have developed a mistrust for this caretaker, feeling they are not dependable. You most likely coped by playing pretend a lot and keeping yourself busy with games and activities. You may have developed a sense of mistrust in caretakers in your life, and you may depend on objects and filling your schedule to the brim to bring you joy and nurture instead of others.
Affirmation: “I want to build a better connection to those in my life, including myself. I want to get in touch with my heart.”
Type 8, Protective Challenger
As a child, you felt uncertain about the nurturing figure—often the mother but not always—in the household. You found your place in the family dynamic by complementing that nurturing role and becoming “the strong one.” You grew up quickly and steered away from connecting to the vulnerable side of you, in fear of being hurt or rejected. You may have developed a sense of toughness and hard shell on the outside.
Affirmation: “I am strong, but it is ok if I have moments of weakness. In those times, I will choose to be vulnerable and trust others to help me.”
Type 9, Peaceful Mediator
As a child, you decided it would be best not to get involved even though you felt connected to both parents in the household. You may have been a victim of hearing “calm down” or “stop complaining” and take that feedback to heart. You’re aware of your tendency to tune out the problems and still struggle with this if you have your own family. You may have developed a hard time creating boundaries and expressing feelings that may go against what will bring peace to the group.
Affirmation: “It is ok to assert myself. I don’t have to repress my emotions to keep the peace.”
Want to talk through more of your trauma?
Are you looking for more Enneagram inner reflection in 2021? I offer Enneagram Coaching, where we have the opportunity to meet one-on-one in order to dive into a deeper understanding of you, using the Enneagram as a framework for our time together. This option is perfect if you are seeking avenues for personal growth, as, after our coaching sessions, you will leave with a greater understanding of yourself, your core beliefs and motivations, and in essence, why you do what you do.
In our first session, we will work together to better understand your type and answer the question, why “me”?
Learn more about my Enneagram Coaching and schedule a session here.