Is Couples Counseling for me?

When considering yourself and your relationship, it may be helpful to ask yourself the following questions:

• Did we marry or get together at an early age?

• What examples of healthy relationships do we have?Did our parents divorce?

• How do we communicate? Do I feel heard? Do they?

• How does education, finances, and faith play into our current difficulties?

• How often are we criticizing one another?

• What happens when we argue? Do we become defensive? Withdraw? Shut down?

• Are we stuck in anger and contempt?

• Is there infidelity, addiction, or abuse in our relationship?

Can it help us?

While many couples seek out therapy when their relationship is in trouble, it can also be a preventative measure.

Just as a therapist may help individuals or families grow, the effort in couple’s therapy is to provide tools and insight to improve a relational connection between two people.

Some couples seek out therapy to assist with specific goals, such as premarital counseling, divorce counseling, or help with another specific issue.

Whatever your goal, our therapists can help you learn to listen, learn to work together, and heal the broken parts.

Is it too late?

The short and easiest answer to this question is that it depends.

If you are entering therapy hoping to fix the person you are in relationship with, we cannot help you.

However, If you and your partner are willing participants, and prepared for the task of venturing into difficult territory, looking each at your own role in the continued conflict between you, this is where healing can happen.

Many couples wait 6 years before they decide to seek support. However, the longer you wait, the more cemented you will become in your narrative about the relationship and you ability to believe that it can become something different.

A better question to ask is “Why not try?”

Why not start today on the quest to discover how you can have a better tomorrow?

How is couples counseling different than individual?

Couples counseling is a unique opportunity in that you have the chance to work with your partner in real-time, working through the concerns and issues that you may have.

Unlike individual therapy where you may discuss an interaction at length, decide how to respond to it, and report back the following week, relationship therapy works in the here-and-now of the session by hearing out the perspectives of both partners and arriving at new insights.

Often we will begin with communication: how to listen, how to respond, and how to talk about what’s going on in your internal world, as this will be the foundation for all of our work together. A couple’s therapy session operates as great practice for the rest of the week.

How long and how often will I need to see my therapist?

The frequency and length of therapy that is needed varies depending on the needs of the couple. The decision to end therapy will be determined by the goals you’ve set and whether you’ve made the progress you were looking for.

Thus, how long you’ll need to be in therapy is ultimately dependent upon you and your partner, and your readiness to do the work. There is, of course, no quick fix for particular patterns of behavior that has gone on for years, although facing them head-on is recommended.

This means also that regular attendance to your counseling appointments is needed to ensure that you are progressing toward the therapeutic goals you’ve set, and that you follow through with strategies discussed in session throughout the week.  

Is it confidential?

Your privacy is taken very seriously. We maintain guidelines set by HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act), as well as maintain ethical guidelines set by the American Psychological Association (APA). These guidelines ensure that the fact that your status as a present or past client as well as what you say in counseling is kept confidential; however, there are some limitations.

These limitations deal with the knowledge of child or elderly abuse, or the possibility of harm to yourself or others. It is important to understand that counselors are mandated reporters, and are required to report certain information, as listed above, to the proper authorities.

If you have any questions about confidentiality, please do not hesitate to ask, and your therapist can clarify your questions directly.

What if I tell you something and don’t want my partner to know?

Couples therapy considers the needs of the relationship as the client rather than the individuals involved. As this is the case, your therapist will implement a “no secrets” policy between couples seen together.

If there is an incidence where you have something to share privately, and choose to do so, upon the next joint session, your therapist will help to walk you through what an open and honest disclosure of this might look like with your partner, as well as explore the relationship factors that drove you to originally want to keep it a secret.

In our experience, nothing can be quite as divisive and destructive to forward progress as not being completely honest with your partner with whom you’re trying to repair the relationship.

What should I expect in the first few sessions?

The beginning of any therapeutic relationship begins with an intake process, where your therapist will get to know more of your history, both individually and together, and learn about your childhood, your relationships with your parents, children, and any relevant past relationship experiences.

It will also be helpful to know of any prior treatment, current and past medications, any diagnosed mental health conditions, and a synopsis of what is bringing you into counseling.

It is our goal in these initial stages of our work together is that you each feel heard and listened to, and can hold onto hope for a brighter future together.

Won’t a female therapist always side with my wife?

Short answer: No.
Long answer: This is a perfect time to address the fact that therapy (and relationships for that matter) is not about keeping score. Therapy is a place where each member of the couple has the opportunity to express their expectations, what they want and need from a relationship, and to work to find middle ground.

As a therapist, it is our job to facilitate this work, keeping in mind that neither one individual is the “client”, but rather the relationship between you. We know how destructive it can be to a therapeutic relationship if it constantly feels like your couple’s therapist is siding with one of you over the other. Again, our goal is that you both feel heard, but also both feel challenged in the process of therapy.

What if I cannot get my partner to commit to coming to therapy?

As frustrating as it may be, you cannot force your partner to come to counseling. However much you think that they (or your relationship) may benefit, the choice is still theirs about whether to participate.

In our experience, offering an ultimatum in order to get them into the therapist’s office is rarely going to get you the results that you desire. It’s best in this case to attend therapy yourself, and to work on the challenges you face individually.

After you’ve put in the work and are starting to experience relief, your partner may be curious about your change, and you can later seek out the couples therapy that will benefit you both.