Discovering Your Values
Our Values are Powerful
Those who take the time to discover their values often experience an increased sense of personal empowerment and personal growth. When we discover and then act according to our values, we are able to actively express our developing identity. When we do so, we can make decisions that are in line with our beliefs and attitudes, and act in ways that help us to ultimately create the sort of life we want for ourselves. As we do this over time, our values become internalized.
Many times, we’ll find that our values are shared with others in the communities in which we live, work, and do life. We may share values with our parents, coworkers, teachers, religious affiliation and community. Some may worry that this may take away from our individual identity, but don’t worry, it won’t! Spending time with others who think and conduct their lives in similar ways to you is just as important as spending time with those who think differently and cultivating a posture of openness and curiosity within yourself. For us to continue on the journey of self-development, we need both influences in our lives.
Whether we choose to adopt those values or to act upon them remains up to you. However either way, it is us who chooses our values, and how we want to live out our lives. It is this intentional act of choosing that makes our values so powerful.
Did You Know? – Discovering your values helps you discover who you truly are as a person. Your values allow you to be your genuine self without needing to ‘fit-in’ or conform to perspectives that are not your own.
So, what exactly are Values?
Values are beliefs, attitudes, and principles that guide our way of thinking and our behavior choices. Values are a kind of internal guide map that helps us navigate our world in accordance with our ethics and beliefs. One awesome way of thinking about the differences in values between people is to learn more about the enneagram and get to know your personality “type”. You can do this by beginning to research on your own, or to sign up for individualized coaching sessions!
Values give us a ‘code of conduct’ to follow, and can be thought of as rules or guidelines that we live by. They are a kind of compass that guides you. Our values speak of what we believe in, what we stand for and what is important to us.
Those who choose to live in accordance with their values report feeling greater meaningfulness and satisfaction with their overall well-being. Whereas people whose lives are incongruent with their values, that is, they make choices that are inconsistent or in disagreement with their values, experience increased stress, frustration and anxiety.
Discovering Your Values
Sometimes our values are very clear to us. For example, I know that I strongly value living authentically and loving others well. When I make choices that are consistent with my values, either by setting important boundaries or spending quality time with my closest family and friends, I feel satisfied and happy. When I make poor choices that are inconsistent with my values and do not honor them, I can become frustrated and anxious.
Other times, our values are not very clear to us. We do not always know what is important to us, nor can we identify the principles that guide our behavior. Social media, television, and current culture become the sources from which we seek our identity, our framework for the behavior choices we make and our ideas about what is appropriate ‘code of conduct.’ As a result, we never really know who we are.
For these reasons, it is important to take the time to get to your roots and discover your values.
How to Discover your Values
With honest self-reflection, mindfulness and a little patience, you can discover and clarify your values. You can also develop a plan of action to behave consistently with those values leading to a more meaningful and satisfying way of life.
Spend some time in self-reflection: Are you a chameleon? Do you change your opinions, beliefs, and behaviors to conform to those of the people around you? Do you abandon your perspectives and ideas to better ‘fit-in’ or avoid being perceived as challenging or different by others?
Examine what is important to you, your heart’s desires and your passion. Learn to value your own perspectives and truly know what it means to believe in what you believe! It always seems easier to ‘go with the flow’ and not ‘make waves,’ however; in order to feel happy and satisfied, you must learn to give up trying to ‘fit-in’ and conform to the belief system that fits for you.
Make a list and categorize your values into groups. For example; health, relationships, personal growth, education, career values, etc. Identify the values that fit into each group. Write them down so you can see them and better understand how they impact your life. From this list, you can develop small behavioral goals that help you incorporate your values into everyday actions that are consistent with your overall identified values.
Check in with yourself: When you review your goals, ask yourself how you feel about each value you identified. Ask yourself if the values you selected truly represent who you are. Make sure the values represent your beliefs, not because they satisfy what you think others want for you, but what you want and believe for yourself.
Make the commitment to act. Make a conscious choice to act on your values. Use your values to help you navigate your behaviors and choices. Pay close attention to how you feel when you make choices that are consistent with what you believe. Be sure to acknowledge yourself if you experience a sense of empowerment, and fulfillment when making choices consistent with what is important and meaningful to you. This is important information for you to have as you move throughout your life.
When we take the time and have the patience to discover our values and then choose to act according to those values, we empower ourselves to move towards personal growth and loyalty to our true identity. Ultimately, we find happiness when we behave in congruence or agreement with what we believe in and who we truly are.
Everyday we are faced with making choices. The choices we make may or may not reflect how we truly feel, or what we truly believe is right for us. When we behave more consistently with our values, we live a life that is purpose-oriented and a life that honors our true identity. Living a life that represents our values gives us fulfillment, satisfaction and a sense of loyalty to ourselves.
Often in the midst of life transitions, we find ourselves at a crossroads where it makes sense to reevaluate our values and decide how we want to move forward. It’s often helpful to sit down with a therapist you can trust to do this important work of discovering who you are at the core. If you find yourself looking for a supportive ear and some direction during a difficult time in your life, please reach out to me today to schedule a free online consultation!
